Characteristics of a Commitment Phobic

  1. They usually have a history of short relationships and they may never have been married – there is often an excuse that they haven’t met the right woman.
  2. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space so they are often attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent women.
  3. They are fast to move in on a woman they are attracted to, and they pursue ardently until they win the woman over.
  4. They are very charming. They say and do all the right things. They are very good salesmen to get their own needs met, but in reality they have very little concern for the woman’s feelings, as they are always operating from hidden agendas.
  5. These men are usually very affectionate and loving. This is because in their mind the relationship is not going to be long term, so they feel free to give affection and love, knowing it won’t be forever. It isn’t long though before they suddenly start rejecting the woman, by not ringing or not wanting to see her for days, or not including her in weekend arrangements etc. This is because they subtly want to give the woman the message that they don’t want a long term committed relationship.
  6. Severe commitment phobics play the seduction/rejection game. They can’t make the decision to give totally to the relationship, but they can’t commit to walk away either. They feel trapped by both choices. They feel love for the woman when they don’t see her, but they want to run away when they become involved again.
  7. Commitment phobics love the chase but they don’t want the kill. This may happen after 1 night, 1 week, 1 month, 3 months or 1 year. They may start sabotaging just as they are about to get married, or just before or after there’s a decision made to move in together.
  8. They tend to treat the woman like a mistress rather than a real girlfriend.
  9. They tend to limit the amount of time they spend with the women and treat her as a low priority.
  10. They often choose women who are not the type of partner they are looking for, for example they may be much older, much younger, married, or they may have different interests. They use these differences as excuses to end relationships.
  11. They treat requests for respect as demands and become, angry, obnoxious and rebellious.
  12. Severe commitment phobics avoid events or outings that may include the woman’s family or friends.
  13. They know an ongoing sexual relationship often leads to commitment so they choose to run when things start to head in that direction.
  14. They like to feel in control and create time frames that suit them, often treating the woman like a puppet on a string.
  15. They tend to compartmentalize their life and keep their work environment, friends or family off limits. They can create wonderful excuses why the woman shouldn’t meet these people.
  16. When they get the feeling they need to run, their words and actions are full of mixed messages. They play mind games.
  17. A commitment phobic won’t allow the relationship to grow and they have no intentions of ever doing so.
  18. They can be moody or aloof and blame the woman for why they are acting so bizarrely.
  19. They may withdraw sexually and blame it on the woman for being demanding, or on work fatigue, or illness, or anything else that they can think of.
  20. They can have a history of unavailability and inaccessibility. They can be hard to contact, and they are often unpredictable when it comes to returning phone calls. They can even avoid answering calls completely.
  21. They lie, or they are evasive and secretive about where they are and what they are doing to create space.
  22. Their living arrangements may be rather off-beat.
  23. They hate planning ahead because that means commitments.
  24. They often don’t invite women to their home because of their peculiar living arrangements, but they have no desire to change their situation. Even if their home is comfortable it exudes the feeling that they want to be alone. It is not welcoming to the outside world.
  25. They are often unfaithful in relationships.
  26. They can be overly committed to their work to avoid spending a lot of time with a woman.
  27. Severe commitment phobics rarely lower their defenses because they don’t want to get too close to a woman, or vice versa.
  28. Behavioural inconsistencies are very noticeable with these men when they find themselves getting too close. They become argumentive and abusive, or they create distance. A lot of uncaring sabotage behaviours surface eg. working long hours, taking on extra projects, creating space, not ringing, being late, finding fault with the woman etc.
  29. They often choose to play a lot of sport, or be involved in many projects to create distance.
  30. These men know on some level that they are deceptive and cruel to women.
  31. The word “forever” terrifies these men. Love doesn’t scare them; rather it is what love represents to them that scares them. This is due to their negative belief system about love and relationships.
  32. They usually end up behaving worse and worse, and they sabotage more and more because they want the woman to end the relationship as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so.

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